“Cheryl, you are like a butterfly stuck in its own cocoon. What has happened to you?” These are the very words that were spoken to me in 1984, by a pastor, shortly after having my first baby. At first I was offended, then I seriously questioned it and then I tossed it out into the “junk pile” in my mind, until years later.
Six years later and two more babies, after that pastor had asked that question, was when I started experiencing horrible flashes in my mind of vivid pictures and voices and try as I might I couldn’t run. I couldn’t get away from what I saw in my mind. I would beat myself up emotionally. I was a horrible person to have these images of my father doing things, saying things to me. I thought I was losing my mind. I would pray to God and beg Him to remove these pictures. I would grab my hair on each side of my head and pull hard and scream, “Why am I seeing these things? Why am I such a horrible person to have my mind create such pictures? What is wrong with me? Where is this coming from? God HELP ME, I begged.”
It never once dawned on me that I may not be making this stuff up. It never once dawned on me that what I might be seeing in my mind was true. I believed I was the disgusting one.
Satan wants us to believe that we are disgusting. Satan wants us to believe that we are trapped in the past and that we have no freedom from the clutches of the past. He wants us defeated and exhausted. It is like a gold weight wrapped around our soul dragging us down further and further into the deepest, darkest depths of the water, so that we drown in the confusion and despair that engulfs us. I have told you what Satan wants, but now this is what God wants.
God wants us free from the bondage of the past. In Christ the past abuse has no hold on you. In Christ you are free to swim to the surface and free to walk out of the confusion and despair that engulfed us under satan’s watch. With God there is light, there is freedom and there is life with no attachments.
Each day, each moment, each hour claim the freedom that God has there right before you. Hang on to His promises and walk out into the Son’s light.
Growing up on a farm, the northern winters would get so cold. During the coldest
months of the year, Dad would shut the cows in the barn and they would not be allowed to go out into the freezing temperatures. When spring came he would slide back the big door and almost the whole side of the cow pen was opened to freedom and the fresh air. The cows were free to go out after being trapped in their own manure for those few months.
Now some cows chose to run out into the fresh air immediately and they would run and kick and carry on so. But there were a few that would stay in the manure filled area and look at the sunshine and they would raise their heads and you could see them smelling the fresh air and they would moo and spin in circles, but would not leave the barn. The other cows would raise their heads from eating the new shoots of the green grass to moo back at those still in the barn, almost inviting, encouraging them to step out into the sunshine. After a few days, we would
have to chase those few remaining cows out into that fresh air.
I am sure you are all thinking, crazy cows, but how many of us stand in that barn? How many of us stand in the manure of the past? Just like that pastor said to me years before any memory began, “You are like a butterfly stuck in its own cocoon.” Don’t let satan scare you into staying in that cocoon. Come on out and let’s dry those wings.
What satan meant for evil, God will take it and make it good. God will lift you up and
you will be free to step into the fresh sunshine and smell that fresh air and you will come out of your cocoon and spread your wings and fly.
Your suffering is never wasted. The scars from the past abuse that you carry do not have a hold on you. They are only reminders of what satan attempted to do in your life and a reminder of what God has brought you from.
He Will Raise You Above It All
Warm Hugs, Cheryl Bloom
If you would like to find out more about my experience my book “Forgotten Memories, Frozen In Time” walks through the devastation of abuse, the therapy and the victory of not allowing the past to control my future.
Comments