Years ago, when I was going through the beginnings of therapy, I was listening to a Christian radio station. They had a weekly segment where a psychologist would come on and anyone could call in and ask questions about anything. Some talked about their children’s behavior, some about their marriages, and some about relationships with parents after you were married and many more great discussions.
This one day they happened to be talking about sexual abuse and how it affects every part of our lives. I was listening along and this one precious lady called in. She explained how the past abuse keeps creeping up on her and how it has started to consume her thoughts and everyday life. How she was becoming skittish and fearful. It was becoming increasingly hard for her to go out alone, shopping etc. The Dr. on the show asked many questions and she responded with hesitation, but forced herself to talk about it. As he was winding down their discussion, he said, “You need to go see a psychologist or a counselor, someone you can talk to and begin to heal.”
“I can’t. I have asked my husband multiple times, but he just tells me that it was in the past and that it needs to stay there. He also said that psychologists usually are a waste of money and we don’t have extra money to waste on such things.”
“If you ask him to go with you then maybe he would see that they are there to help you.” encouraged the Doctor.
“He is a proud man and won’t allow it.”
“What about a counselor in your church?” He asked.
“No, I can’t do that. That’s not an option.”
“How about your mom, sister or aunt, is there anyone in your family you can talk to?”
“No, the abuse came from that side of my family, and they don’t believe me.”
“How about a friend or someone you trust in your church?”
“Oh, no I can’t do that!” she exclaimed. “That is not an option either.”
“You have no friends in your church to talk to?” He asked, sounding slightly exasperated.
“No, sir, I’m sorry there is no one I can talk to.” She answered sadly.
“O.K.” the Dr. stated, not giving up and then his voice lightened as a new choice came to his mind, and he stated with new hope, “Then how about meeting with your pastor, the pastor at your church?”
There was a brief moment of silence and you could hear the deep sadness of defeat in her voice as she stated through tears, “My husband is the pastor of our church.”
My heart sank. It all became so clear, why she couldn’t reach out to anyone; she truly had no one to talk to, no one to turn to. How could she find help and get freedom from the past when she had roadblocks at every turn and no one to turn to?
The music began to play, in the background, as it always does before a commercial break.
“Miss”, the Dr. stated. “Do not hang up. We have to head to a commercial break. I am leaving the microphone so that I can talk to you privately. You are not alone. Do not hang up. Please stay on the line.” He begged. There was silence, “Miss, are you there? Please don’t hang up.”
You could tell she was crying and through the tears she whispered a small, “Thank you. I will hold.” Then the segment ended as the radio went to commercials. The news and weather came on next.
I have never forgotten the sadness in her voice, the loss of closeness with someone, to be able to share what was going on inside of her from the affects of the past. She was a victim again buried in the devastation of isolation and loneliness.
I share this story because I don’t want anyone to feel alone as this young lady felt. Leaving it in the past is not an option for some of us. It can grow and begin to manipulate us from the inside out.
I have created a FaceBook forum page for those of us who have suffered and are on our own journey to freedom. A place to share, encourage and draw from. I am not a psychiatrist or a counselor. This is not to replace the expertise of a doctor, counselor or other professional.
May we walk alongside each other, encouraging one another, with God’s loving arms wrapped gently around us all.
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