Handing Back the Sexual Abuse
In one of my sessions, my therapist stated, “You either pass it on or you pass it back.” “What?” I asked exasperated. “This is not my responsibility. I didn’t do anything wrong!”
YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG
“You are correct, you didn’t do anything wrong.” She gently stated. “But, you are the one standing between the past and the future. If you want a future for yourself, your children and grandchildren without the abuse, then you need to face it and hand it back. By dealing with it, it stops the abuse from poisoning the future.”
WHAT IF I WANT TO STAY SILENT?
“What if I don’t want to deal with it and just keep silent about it, I won’t let them near their grandfather, my children will be alright .”
“Choosing to keep the secrets silent and hidden is passing it on to your children. Even though, they may not know about the abuse, somehow it is an unwritten code that they pick up, that if they become abused it is to be kept silent, thus the many generations of passing it on.”
WHO HAS THE BALL NOW?
So here you are, you are standing in the middle – put there by the person that abused you. It reminded me of that game “Monkey-In-The-Middle”. I caught the ball of abuse. I am standing there with it in my hands and I have to decide to whom I am going to throw it to. I can’t hold on to it, that is not an option, it is going to go one way or the other. If I throw it back to the abuser, then it opens up so many questions, ridicule, embarrassment and a host of so much more. If I choose to keep it, then it is a poison that will flow into my children and their future. I realized, I can’t let it flow into my innocent children. I love them too much. I would protect them at all cost. And yes, even at the cost of myself being shunned, judged and disgraced in the eyes of my Christian family.
YOU ARE NOW THE GUARD
So, I took that ball and heaved it back in the face of my father, turned around and hugged my children and stood guard between them and the generations of abuse. It sure wasn’t easy but I would do it again.
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